I decided just now that my life has had far too much structure lately. Sure, a structured schedule helps me write a blog, keep up in my online Econ class, plan monthly happy hours, work a ton, and prevent NYC overwhelm. But lately, it’s gotten ridiculous.
Managing NYC overwhelm is like a pendulum. I used to be bored because I found NYC overwhelming. I was practically paralyzed by the city, especially when I didn’t have specific plans. Then, I founded a blog and a group (Minneapple in the Big Apple, for those of you not keeping up) in order to find myself again and stop the boredom. And that has become the opposite. Every night is planned to the tee – write this blog post, send these emails, read this chapter, call this friend for up to 15 minutes.
STOP THE MADNESS!
I miss spontaneity! I miss novelty! I miss happening upon things! And I’m saying this from an extremely stimulating and exciting city!
This realization struck while I was sitting at my computer tonight on a Friday night with no plans and no strong urge to find any plans, feeling an old familiar feeling – boredom. I pulled up my iTunes and created a new version of “shuffle” – type in 2 letters in the search field and hit play. I did “ko” and was surprised to get Lady Gaga’s “Just Dance,” among other random old favorites. No “ko” in that Lady Gaga title there, but was glad to hear it nonetheless.
Anyway, I loaded up my most recent photos onto flickr, heard some old favorite songs that reminded me of how I want to learn the accordion, checked out some real estate blogs from Mpls, then searched on craigslist for some things. And suddenly I recalled a fateful craigslist message from about 3 years ago in the “musician” section where the poster was seeking a cute keyboardist to write adorable pop songs with. So began my first crush in NYC.
And that brought me down memory lane with some old photos and reading my old livejournal, reflecting particularly on that spring/summer of 2007, which held promise, excitement, romances, crushes, disappointments (always follow crushes, don’t they?), discoveries, budding friendships. Ah, it was like being 24 again. But with a better job and in the most exciting city in the world. And by that I mean Brooklyn. Williamsburg to be precise (how I miss those pool parties!!!).
Central Park Cherry Blossom Tree - May 5, 2007
All this to say that I miss my free-wheelin’ self. I’ve gotten too much direction, perhaps. I mean, I like accomplishing what I set out to do, and setting out to do some big things (at least bigger than I had set out for before this point in my life). But it’s time for balance.
Can I be both structured and spontaneous? Can I be a little less focused? Can I leave a little free-time in my life to just be and create and write and play and read and explore? I’m going to try. Try to not try so hard, actually.
Somehow, this photo says it all…
Union Pool after the first pool party (Superchunk) - June 24, 2007